Примеры эссе - Поступление (GMAT, TOEFL, эссе)
Username:
Password:

Добро пожаловать на форум YupTalk.ru!
Обсуждаем международную карьеру, профессиональный рост, бизнес-образование,
транснациональные корпорации, стажировки, консалтинг, финансы, аудит, маркетинг и работу в целом.


О САЙТЕ | РЕКЛАМА | ПРАВИЛА | КОНТАКТЫ | RSS ПОДПИСКА | | | БЛОГ

Подписка на все новые сообщения по почте:
Страницы: 1
  Печать  
Автор Тема: Примеры эссе  (Прочитано 48323 раз)
YUPtalk.ru
Администратор
Старожил
*****

Карма: 1128
Оффлайн Оффлайн

Пол: Мужской
Сообщений: 473



WWW
« : 11 Июль 2007, 17:05:26 »

TOEFL Essay #003: Food is now easier to prepare. Is this a good thing?

TestMagic estimated score: 6.0/6.0:

Man, through the ages, has undergone many changes, from a period when he hunted for his food to the present era when man is dependent on preprocessed foods. During this period not only has man changed his mode of eating but his whole lifestyle as well. In pursuit of more in this competitive world, man no longer has time as he once had. He is caught in a race against the clock. A person who finishes more in lesser time is considered more efficient. This pressure to do more in less time has affected his eating habits as well and, as a result, man no longer has time to cook food. Early man's only objective was to seek food to sustain him and his family. Nowadays finding food has taken a back seat to other priorities, such as career and education.

Food is no longer of that importance. This is not an encouraging trend. People are too dependent on preprocessed or precooked food, which no longer has the freshness it once had. Such foods loose their mineral and vitamin content and are not as healthy as fresh food. That is why the number of diseases is also rising. People have also shifted to high calorie content food like French fries, pizzas, and ice cream, etc., which is causing obesity, fatigue, etc. As man is becoming busy and too involved in his busy schedule, he has no time even to take care of his own personal needs.

Furthermore, cooking is an art which is dying out. People once enjoyed cooking . It was a means of eliminating stress and tension. People were once able to relax during this time and reflect on their lives.

People may tend to argue that by using precooked and preprocessed food they are efficiently using time and can use this precious time saved for other purposes. But is it really worth it? This is a question whose answer can invite much speculation about whether by saving this little time we are inviting lots of other problems, which could easily be avoided. It is actually making our lives not simpler but more complicated. We have lost many of the simpler things in our lives, like the simple acts of selecting our evening meal, preparing it, and enjoying it with our loved ones, and we are worse off for it.

=============================================

Анализ

This essay has very good organization and good ideas. TestMagic has edited the essay that was submitted so that it would receive a higher score.

One important note: people in the United States are using words like man, mankind because they are starting to sound sexist. Instead, we are using words like humankind because they do not sound as sexist.



=============================================

Советы

Some ideas of what to write about for a good score:

This type of food is usually not as nutritious as fresh food.

This type of food is usually more expensive than fresh food.

Preparing this type of food is usually much faster than preparing food "from scratch."

Cooking is a time when we can spend time with our families. If we spend less time cooking, we will spend less time with our families.

Cooking can also be a form of relaxation that we will lose if we spend less time cooking.

This type of food is a reflection of the pressures and stress of life in modern cities.

Having the option to prepare food more quickly can actually contribute to stress in our lives since we will feel the pressure to do more in less time by using these foods.


Most common errors with this essay topic:

* Failure to restate the topic is one of the most common errors that TestMagic sees in most essays. For example, many essays start like this: "I agree with this point..." We need to say something like this: "I agree that having food that is easy to prepare has improved our lives."

* Many essays talked about the importance of good nutrition. This point is related to the topic, but it is only a point, not the topic. In other words, we should not write an entire essay about the importance of good nutrition, just one paragraph.

* Some essays talked about the dangers of the technology associated preparing food, like radiation from a microwave oven. This is a minor point and should not be developed in the essay.

----


TOEFL Essay #006: Do you support building a factory in your hometown?

I am from Arroz e Feijao, a small town in the northeast of Brazil. Building a factory in there will bring a lot of advantages and disadvantages, but I believe that Arroz e Feijao will mostly benefit from the building of a new factory because it is largely populated by poor people and the factory would bring many benefits to this small town. However, of course, a factory has disadvantages as well.

As you know, factories usually bring pollution. If this factory is not managed very effectively and efficiently according to specific rules, it's prone to polluting the local air and water. What's more, factories usually make noise. Beside clean drinkable water and fresh air, an ideal community should be quiet. If the factory cannot maintain this situation to the community, it will not last long. A factory that is too noisy or pollutes too much will eventually be relocated to a new area.

On the other hand, a factory could bring a lot of benefits to the community. So I would support the plan to build a factory to my community for all the reasons I will describe below.

First of all, the factory's construction will surely improve the local infrastructure. To run smoothly, the factory will have to have a steady, reliable supply of water and electricity. Some old pipes will be changed, and some facilities will be renovated. The residents' living standard get improved as a result of these widespread changes, an important benefit in Arroz e Feijao, where many people do not have access to clean water.

Secondly, to make the employee commute more convenient, the local roads will have to be rebuilt and broadened, resulting in improved public transportation. The town's residents can take a public bus to go shopping or go to work. As a result, air pollution and fuel consumption might be reduced.

Most important, a factory's establishment will bring up a lot of employment opportunities for the community. A factory need experts from various fields. The residents can take just a few minutes to go to the factory to work. So, the local residents can get great benefits from this factory.

Generally speaking, I agree with the plan to build a factory near my community. If the factory can be managed successfully, the factory and local residents can have mutual benefit.



Ресурс : TestMagic
Записан

1 Всё о сообществе ЯПток http://bit.ly/9AGuRt
2 Незнание правил не освобождает от бана http://bit.ly/dclCZg
3 Подписка RSS http://bit.ly/aE2TQG и тви http://bit.ly/4oQGiy
4 Блог http://bit.ly/92uUTM
5 Фидбек приветствуется: yuptalk@gmail.com
Victor Rogulenko
Новичок
*

Карма: 30
Оффлайн Оффлайн

Сообщений: 29



WWW
« Ответ #1 : 02 Ноябрь 2017, 11:51:50 »

Здесь еще несколько примеров резюме и эссе: http://bit.ly/2h55dsP

А вот короткое видео о написании резюме: https://youtu.be/3CTUIFbFOec
Записан
Victor Rogulenko
Новичок
*

Карма: 30
Оффлайн Оффлайн

Сообщений: 29



WWW
« Ответ #2 : 30 Декабрь 2017, 18:14:40 »

Мы наконец закончили работу над MBA War Room! Шоу, где Томас Хулберт объясняет, как писать эссе и готовить заявку в западные программы MBA.

60-70% студентов топ-10 программ из России, Украины и Казахстана (включая всю Большую Тройку и меня лично) за последние 10 лет поступили с его помощью. Теперь же мы смогли выложить эти знания для всех, а не только для "избранных"

Смотрите! А если понравится, будем благодарны за лайки, комментарии и подписки.

http://fles.pro/mbawarroom1

P.S. Это только первый эпизод. В январе 2018 будет еще минимум 9. Если шоу будет иметь успех, снимем больше.
Записан
Hertz
Старожил
****

Карма: 103
Оффлайн Оффлайн

Сообщений: 492



« Ответ #3 : 30 Декабрь 2017, 22:18:59 »

60-70% студентов топ-10 программ из России, Украины и Казахстана (включая всю Большую Тройку и меня лично) за последние 10 лет поступили с его помощью.

Я бы, всё же, слегка понизил градус.

Во-первых, не включая "всю Большую тройку". Или, быть может, я неправильно тебя понял? Тогда приношу извинения. В любом случае, "60-70%" - это игра со статистикой (всем понятно, почему).

Во-вторых, не уверен, что во всех этих случаях это было "благодаря", а не "вопреки". По моей выборке как минимум несколько поступивших кардинально меняли свой аппликейшн после работы с Томасом. Взять твоё же собственное эссе: версия Томаса и поступившая имеют мало общего. Как думаешь, какой результат был бы, отправь ты другую версию?

Томас, при всём при этом, крутой. Заниматься с ним интересно. Результативность - вопрос иной.

Вы классные ребята и делаете благое дело. Just don't oversell it.
Записан
-E-
VIP
Ветеран
*

Карма: 87
Онлайн Онлайн

Пол: Мужской
Сообщений: 512



« Ответ #4 : 30 Декабрь 2017, 22:57:45 »

Во-первых, не включая "всю Большую тройку"

Однозначно не включая всю Б3))
Записан



Страницы: 1
  Печать  
 
Обычная тема
Популярная тема (более 75 ответов)
Очень популярная тема (более 100 ответов)
Заблокированная тема
Прикрепленная тема
Голосование